Bullying has become a national epidemic.
The classic image of the bully was a thuggish character, Nelson Muntz from the Simpsons... bigger, brawnier, and generally not the brightest. The bully instilled fear by the threat, whether stated or implied, of physical harm. He took your lunch money, knocked you down into the mud, tore your books, and made you feel weak and inadequate. Some facts about bullying: http://www.dosomething.org/tipsandtools/11-facts-about-school-bullying
Nowadays, that is not the face of bullying. The face of bullying is the pretty girls who torment an overweight class mate. It is the boys trying to prove that THEY are man enough by shoving around their more effeminate peers. It is rich people trying to buy elections by smearing their less well funded opponents in round the clock media blitzing, it is news stations that monger the fears we've been fighting, it's a government that marches into other nations uninvited, and it's a media that is hurls at us the messages that we are not good enough.
We are all being victimized by this bullying whenever we buy into the negative, hurtful messages we receive daily. But this post isn't about adults bullying adults, it is about kids (and horrifyingly, adults) bullying kids. The internet has given people access to other people 24/7 creating an ever more expansive platform for bullying. We have an enormous problem, so how can we fix things?
Tomorrow, Wednesday, October 20th various groups and hopefully millions of individuals will be coming together in their communities by wearing purple. They are coming together to remember those teens who have committed suicide because of bullying and to show support for the teens who are victimized by bullies. But we can do better.
We can help prevent bullying!
It won't be easy, but we must try. We can begin by valuing our children and teaching them to value themselves. That begins with sending our children positive messages about who they are and is followed by accepting them for who they are. If your little boy likes pink better than blue, it’s okay! If your little girl prefers Lego to Barbie, it’s okay! They are children and tomorrow they might like something entirely different, and if they don’t… IT’S OKAY! If you can’t accept your children for who they are, how can you teach them to accept themselves?
Teach them that it’s okay to be different. Beauty comes from the inside, not just the outside. One of my greatest moments in teaching was when a student said this of the lesson “I learned that anybody can be beautiful and everybody can be beautiful”. Our gifts can be very different but we can value them equally. There is a wonderful book, I Wish I Were a Butterfly by James Howe and Ed Young. It tells the story of a cricket who wishes he looked like a butterfly because of the hurtful words of a cranky frog. He learns that you can’t listen to everybody, but you should listen to those who care about you.
You can validate your child’s feelings. Being happy and people liking you is terrific, but children get sad or mad which is okay. You have to teach them to deal with unpleasant emotions. My students know it is alright to be angry at someone and to tell them you are angry, but they also know it is NOT okay to hurt others with their fists or their words. It is okay not to like somebody, but that does not make it okay to disrespect them. They also know that friends treat them well. When another child bullies with “I won’t be your friend”, they know to look for someone who will be their friend. It empowers the child who may not be the most popular and dis-empowers the bully.
Tomorrow, I am going to teach my kindergarten students about acceptance and tolerance. I am going to tell each of my students something that makes them unique and wonderful. But I am not going to continue doing this throughout the year. Children who accept and value themselves are not only less likely to be victimized by bullies, but they are less likely to become bullies.
As for us adults being bullied, we can begin by using our voices and telling advertisers that we won't buy products designed to make us feel less worthy. We can begin by reading voter information instead of just watching the ads. We can begin by telling our leaders that we won't let billionaires bully us out of our pensions. As my kindergarten kids will tell you “Use your words!”.
A great blog about bullying: http://blog.anniefox.com/2010/10/14/bullying-and-our-competitive-edge/
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